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Nov. 17th, 2003 05:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nanowrenletThe next day it just pissed down rain. Normally Justin would find that sort of thing annoying but it seemed to fit his mood; his trek from the bus stop left him as drippy and stupid on the outside as he felt on the inside.
But nothing seemed any different. Rube just nodded, and Brandon slid over so Justin could fit into the booth and said that there was fresh coffee on the way. Justin wondered if maybe he should say something, apologize for freaking them out or thank Brandon or -something-, but really, what was the etiquette for a situation like that? Justin didn't know, so he just smiled when he passed the jelly basket to Monique and nodded politely when Rube handed him an appointment, dripped on the carpet and felt stupid. Rube patted his shoulder on his way out, though, and stupid or not Justin thought maybe at least this part of his life was still going okay.
Facing Knox was harder, for a lot of reasons. For one thing, Knox had no idea that anything had happened, so when Justin apologized for backing out on dinner Knox just slung an arm around his shoulders, kissed his cheek and declared that it was no big deal. Justin couldn't tell him any differently, and he couldn't completely dismiss the flash of guilt when Eric came around the corner and smiled his shy little smile at the two of them and asked Justin if he was coming to Charlie's.
Sure, he could do that.
The rain had slowed by that evening but not completely stopped, so Charlie's was a little more crowded and a little louder than usual for a weeknight. It meant they had to lean in across the table and shout a little to be heard sometimes, but Justin didn't mind. The heat and the noise and the press of bodies seemed very -alive- to him on some level that he really needed just then, and it also meant that if he didn't talk much the others assumed it was because he didn't feel like shouting.
Really, though, Justin was watching Eric. It was weird to think that Eric was the same age he would be if he weren't dead; Eric had just graduated from high school that spring, which Justin would also have done. He was about to start college, which Justin had also planned to do. He wondered if Eric had opened his own acceptance letter, or if he'd been so nervous he had to ask someone like Debbie to do it for him. Of course, they weren't the same; even when he'd died Justin had had months of experiences that Eric didn't have yet and, frankly, couldn't possibly equal, and there were a million other differences besides that. It wasn't like Eric was living the life Justin would have had, -should- have had, it was just... at one point, months ago, they had had some of the same choices spreading out in front of them. And Eric got to make them, and Justin didn't.
Eric excused himself from the table and Knox angled his chair a little, subtly, to watch him make his way through the crowd, and before he could lose his nerve Justin leaned in and said directly into Knox's ear, "Don't wait."
Knox drew back enough to look him in the eye, obviously puzzled, but Justin shook his head and leaned in again. "I know what I said, but it doesn't matter. Life's short, Knox. Don't wait."
Knox lifted his hand to Justin's face and looked at him like... fuck, Justin didn't know. Maybe like he was trying to figure out if he really meant it. But then Knox smiled a little, pulled him into a kiss and said, "Come home with me?"
Justin nodded. Then there was a roar from the crowd over by the bar but it was okay, he didn't need to say anything anyway. Eric pushed his way back up to the table, and Justin drank his beer.
[671/671/31371]
But nothing seemed any different. Rube just nodded, and Brandon slid over so Justin could fit into the booth and said that there was fresh coffee on the way. Justin wondered if maybe he should say something, apologize for freaking them out or thank Brandon or -something-, but really, what was the etiquette for a situation like that? Justin didn't know, so he just smiled when he passed the jelly basket to Monique and nodded politely when Rube handed him an appointment, dripped on the carpet and felt stupid. Rube patted his shoulder on his way out, though, and stupid or not Justin thought maybe at least this part of his life was still going okay.
Facing Knox was harder, for a lot of reasons. For one thing, Knox had no idea that anything had happened, so when Justin apologized for backing out on dinner Knox just slung an arm around his shoulders, kissed his cheek and declared that it was no big deal. Justin couldn't tell him any differently, and he couldn't completely dismiss the flash of guilt when Eric came around the corner and smiled his shy little smile at the two of them and asked Justin if he was coming to Charlie's.
Sure, he could do that.
The rain had slowed by that evening but not completely stopped, so Charlie's was a little more crowded and a little louder than usual for a weeknight. It meant they had to lean in across the table and shout a little to be heard sometimes, but Justin didn't mind. The heat and the noise and the press of bodies seemed very -alive- to him on some level that he really needed just then, and it also meant that if he didn't talk much the others assumed it was because he didn't feel like shouting.
Really, though, Justin was watching Eric. It was weird to think that Eric was the same age he would be if he weren't dead; Eric had just graduated from high school that spring, which Justin would also have done. He was about to start college, which Justin had also planned to do. He wondered if Eric had opened his own acceptance letter, or if he'd been so nervous he had to ask someone like Debbie to do it for him. Of course, they weren't the same; even when he'd died Justin had had months of experiences that Eric didn't have yet and, frankly, couldn't possibly equal, and there were a million other differences besides that. It wasn't like Eric was living the life Justin would have had, -should- have had, it was just... at one point, months ago, they had had some of the same choices spreading out in front of them. And Eric got to make them, and Justin didn't.
Eric excused himself from the table and Knox angled his chair a little, subtly, to watch him make his way through the crowd, and before he could lose his nerve Justin leaned in and said directly into Knox's ear, "Don't wait."
Knox drew back enough to look him in the eye, obviously puzzled, but Justin shook his head and leaned in again. "I know what I said, but it doesn't matter. Life's short, Knox. Don't wait."
Knox lifted his hand to Justin's face and looked at him like... fuck, Justin didn't know. Maybe like he was trying to figure out if he really meant it. But then Knox smiled a little, pulled him into a kiss and said, "Come home with me?"
Justin nodded. Then there was a roar from the crowd over by the bar but it was okay, he didn't need to say anything anyway. Eric pushed his way back up to the table, and Justin drank his beer.
[671/671/31371]
